there was a time not long ago
when I fell deep in love with you
and then a time not long after
when you worked out I wasn’t the one
I took my time to process and grieve
my loss and then we both moved on.
so far, so good. nothing extraordinary
about not having a 100% success rate
especially when I don’t think twice
about giving something new a shot
but what I moved on from was the hope
of having something special with you
which is quite separate from the love
that I felt – still feel – for who you are
the you that is separate from me
completely lovable all on your own
it is not my love that makes you special
not my seeing, not my attention, none of that
you’re a tree in the forest and not the kind
that stands or falls for philosophical musing
you’re a tree that quietly labours
to strengthen its own roots
to grow into its own full stature
a tree that minds its own business
and keeps the world alive
as a side effect.
to be around you now
is to be in a constant stalemate
I cannot move towards you
lest I cross your boundary
neither can I move away
lest I self sabotage
to be around you now
is to be in a constant stalemate
where I don’t win
but you don’t lose
the space between us
– we’re two steps apart –
is the perfect measure
neither inactive nor unsafe
one step in would be striking distance
but where we are – two steps apart –
there’s just a rush of good brain chemicals
without the threat of harm
and so this stalemate fuels my spirit
and the love I still feel is success enough
for me to continue to not think twice
about giving new things a shot
Jaya Berged 