They say don’t make new year’s resolutions
Because nothing ever changes
And it’s just big whoever trying to sell more whatever
They say “new year, new me” isn’t real
That by the end of this month I’ll be back to doing whatever I was doing last month
And all that will change is me feeling horrible for failing to change
They say this date is just arbitrary
We’ve just gone around the sun again
But we didn’t even do that fully because a year is six hours off
And it’s no different to if we went around the sun
on the 3rd of March or the 26th of September
Then why is it
That this year
On the 1st of January
When he told me again
That he wasn’t really into communication
That he’d rather just yeet me than understand what I’m trying to tell him
That the fact that I was unhappy was more problematic for him
than the cause of my unhappiness
and the seeing and solving of it
wasn’t even remotely on the radar
I was able to see him and say
“Ok”
“I believe you”
“I respect what you’re asking for”
“Your boundary is valid”
If “new year, new me” isn’t real
Then how the fuck do you explain
A person like me
Removing myself from a place where I don’t belong
And being okay with wandering through new places
Until I find where I do?
I couldn’t have done this this time last year
Not on the 3rd of March, not on the 26th of September
But it isn’t the 1st of January that made me a new me
It’s all the work I did from January to December last year
New year, new me is because I didn’t give up on myself
at the end of January last year
And I’ll have another new year, new me next year
If I keep showing up for myself this year
Like I know I will
And this is why
I can believe in change for myself
Because I do the fucking work
And no longer sit around hoping that others in my life will change
When they’ve said “the work is not for me”
New year, new me
Is not work that begins on the 1st of January
But is the outcome of what began on the 1st of January last year
And continued until the end of December
And my goal this year isn’t the new me that I magically am today
But the new me that I’ll work to be
At this time next year
Jaya Berged 